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How to respond to criticism of the polyamorous way of life

How to respond to criticism of the polyamorous way of life

With time you will discover that most people have no idea whatsoever what polyamory is, and some assume by mistake that it means polygamy. Unfortunately, even when you explain to them for the first time what polyamory is, they will still think that it is another kind of polygamy, an open relationship or swinging couples, and therefore you might want to tell them about the differences between them in order to clarify that this is a new term.

Polyamory (poly – many, amory – love)
The word polyamory is a Latin word which means many loves, that is, having simultaneous loving, romantic relationships with more than one person.

Polyamory is not an open relationship!

Open relationship (flings)
A sexual relationship with several partners without love or commitment.

Monogamy (mono – one, gamy – marriage)
On the other hand monogamy refers to being married to one person only as is common worldwide.

Polygamy (poly – many, gamy – marriage)
Another situation/term, known as polygamy, which is most commonly a relationship of one man with many women. This is an essentially chauvinistic relationship, which places the man in the center and considers women as his property. The man is permitted to marry several women, while his wives are loyal only to him. This relationship was prevalent prior to the monogamous era and exists at present in diminished form is some African and Arab countries, however in Western countries it is illegal.

Despite your desire to tell the world about free love, it is reasonable to assume that people will not be easily convinced. You can summarize the issue in several sentences that will give them food for thought until the next conversation:

  • My heart is able to love more than one person.
  • Polyamory is an adult relationship based on trust and honesty, unlike monogamy, which is based on jealousy and possessiveness.

If people disrespect you, just answer them bluntly:

  • My partner encourages me to cheat on him, so I also encourage him to do the same 🙂
  • My partner has never cheated on me because she always lets me know me before it happens 😀
  • Our intimate relationship is no business of yours.

The concept of loving more than one person is fairly simple. We love our mother and also our father, our siblings and all our children, therefore to love more than one person is fundamental and natural. So the reason people find it difficult to agree with us is because polyamory shatters their view of the world and creates a cognitive dissonance, as they are dying to fall in love again, on the one hand, and they are worried about God, the state, the family or simply their mental fixation does not allow them to do so, on the other hand. The result is anger or rage that explodes without thought. It isn’t personal, so don’t take it to heart.

If you have additional ideas, please write them in the comments.
Thank you!

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Pleased to meet you! I created this site in order to encourage people to try polyamorous relationships and bring them together. My articles are written with an experience of over twenty years in various polyamorous relationships. I share with you my experience and insight through the numerous relationships I’ve had in the hope you’ll find answers to your questions from someone living a free life. (read more).

8 Comments on "How to respond to criticism of the polyamorous way of life"

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Jim Polylover
Polyamory is not a Latin word, it is a conglomerate of Greek and Latin roots. Open relationships and polygamy have already been addressed in other comments here, but polyamory can include both, depending on the exact nature of those relationships. Not all monogamous relationships are the same, and my guess is that those based on jealousy and possessiveness are in the minority, but appear to be more numerous because they are the ones we hear about the most. I generally don’t try to explain poly to anyone unless they express an interest in it. I give them the opportunity to… Read more »
Marcia Everett

Just trying to figure out how polyamory is NOT an open relationship. Unless you’re redefining monogamy as NOT the standard and therefore no relationships are open.

Jim Polylover

Not all open relationships are polyamorous, and all poly relationships are not open, but there is a very big crossover between the two.

Chris Wolf
The way I use the word “open” – and the way I most commonly hear it used around here – is simply to describe  I describe whether or not the people in the relationship are willing to consider forming additional relationships – it doesn’t imply anything about whether the relationship is based on sex or emotion. An example of a polyamorous relationship that would not be open is if you had three people who loved each other and were in a relationship and were not interested in dating anyone else.  You could say they were in a closed polyamorous triad –… Read more »

Polygyny is a relationship type where a man has multiple wives. Polyandry is a relationship type where a woman has multiple husbands. Polygamy is the umbrella term that encompass both of those terms.

Jim Polylover

Thank you for this comment. There are so many people who don’t know the correct definition of these terms, especially polygamy.

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