When we started talking about polyamory, I noticed your interest. You listened intently and asked some intriguing questions.
After a while you stopped me with a ‘but,’ saying it simply could not work because people are jealous and possessive, that it was risky because of venereal diseases, and that it was simply an open relationship disguised as love.
I pulled out my phone and showed you this website. You smiled with surprise. You realized I wasn’t a weird guy with commitment issues after all.
Here’s what I saw. Before we started talking about polyamory, you were your natural self. But once I broached the topic, you felt threatened. Your independent, critical thinking went out of the window, and you turned into a zombie controlled by thousands of years of monogamous culture that had permeated deep into your psyche. You had been born into a monogamous family and so far had been exposed exclusively to the monogamous way of life through songs, novels, and films. Anything non-monogamous had to be negative in your eyes, from unfaithfulness and cheating to nasty divorce.
You were never going to say, “Yes, you’re right! How come I never thought of that?” Despite the high cognitive abilities of the human brain, we are still controlled and motivated by fear. The most powerful human emotion is fear – of social criticism, of being different. People have hundreds of different fears. We’re even afraid of thinking differently. You won’t agree with me today or tomorrow. You’re afraid. It will take you months, years, and only after you experience it yourself, or maybe never.
Furthermore, I find it difficult to speak with monogamists about polyamory just as I find it difficult to speak with believers about atheism. (A religious Muslim woman has recently told me that atheism is caused by a brain defect). That’s why I’ve set up this website: I’m frustrated with people not seeing that multiple relationships can actually make them and their loved ones happier.
Before we said goodbye, I gave you my business card so that you could read some articles and learn about polyamory, or maybe because I liked you and was hoping for a new love.
Drop me a line! 😀