Polyamory: Frequently Asked Questions

What is polyamory?

❤ Polyamory is a non-platonic relationship with more than one partner.

This isn’t a case of multiple sexual partners, but a multitude of romantic love interests. Polyamory isn’t swinging, which focuses entirely on sex.

Even if you call it “love”, isn’t that cheating?

❤ Absolutely not! Polyamorous individuals openly communicate and know about their partner’s other love interests and sometimes even have multiple relations (threesome, foursome…). Polyamory is based on trust, honesty and mutual respect. It is usually free of possessive jealousy.

If you have sexual relations with another person without the knowledge or consent of your partner – you’re cheating! This goes against the very essence of polyamory.

Having multiple relations sounds like an orgy, doesn’t it?

❤ A small number of polyamorous individuals may have sex between three and more loving partners. But why not? Sex is great.

But usually we have one main partner- our great love- with whom we would have a family, children and of course share living space. Simultaneously, we may meet one or two other partners that we love to a “lesser” degree. Those complement the main love. Some polyamorists have families of three or more adults.

Perhaps you’re polyamorous due to fear of commitment?

❤ Quite the contrary! Our level of trust and commitment is far greater when compared to monogamous relationships. In fact, one cannot have a polyamorous relationship without complete mutual trust. If you can’t commit to one person, how can you commit to two and more?

Why do you encourage polyamory?

❤ Because love is natural. We are born with the ability to love more than two people. We love our parents, our friends and family and of course our children, if we have any. We love different kinds of foods, different styles in film and music, so why limit ourselves to loving only one person?

Every day people face the difficulties presented by monogamy. They seek an alternative, but they don’t know that a polyamorous relationship is the alternative that may make them truly happy. That’s why we’re here.

Can a polyamorous person have ten simultaneous relationships?

❤ Usually, polyamorous individuals limit themselves to 3-4 loving partners (not including the people with whom they have sex, or one night stands). The reason for this is that we’re limited in time and energy. One can love 3-4 people, but it is unlikely to grow into anything deeper than fondness for more than 5 people at the same time. Usually, 3-4 loves should meet the vast majority of our emotional needs (the main, or primary, partner usually meets at least 80% of our needs, the secondary partner meets around 10%, the tertiary and so forth meeting the last 10%. On rare occasions, the primary and secondary partners would be equal, and both would be considered as main.

Do polyamorous people get married?

❤ Some polyamourous people are or were married in monogamous relationships. At some point in their lives, they added one or more other individuals and made their relationship polyamorous.

But that’s your choice. You can have a civil ceremony and sign a legally-binding document.

We believe the aspect of “oneness” derived from the monogamous ceremony of marriage to be absurd and unnecessary. You can live a life of full and satisfying love with or without marriage. The choice is yours.

Do polyamorous people have children?

❤ Most definitely.

And before you ask how the children cope with a polyamorous environment, I’d like to remind you that in the past single mothers and same-sex couples were asked the same question. And the answer is always the same: they cope just fine.

Do polyamorous people have children from several women or men at the same time?

❤ Yes, that’s possible and at the partners’ discretion. As long as the decision is made by informed, consenting adults, there is nothing wrong with that. We believe, though, that this is a very rare occurrence. Please take into consideration that there may be a conflict of interests between partners that may hurt you.

On the other hand, many monogamous divorcees who had children in previous relationships have children with new partners, so having children with several different partners isn’t unheard of.

Can a polyamorous person choose to have a monogamous relationship?

❤ Of course. With polyamory, you can decide to have a relationship with just one person. There is no conflict there since we’re never forced to love more than one person.

So what’s the difference between a polyamorist in a monogamous relationship and a monogamist?

❤ Polyamorists base their relationship on trust and honesty, with an emphasis on time spent together, while a monogamists base their relationship on possessiveness and jealousy, with sexual exclusivity being the focus point.

Where can I meet more polyamorous individuals?

❤ This is exactly the reason we’ve set up this site.

First, sign up (it’s free!) and open a dating profile. If you want to get better exposure and be seen by more people, you could start a private blog and write posts of your own, so more people will contact you.

What’s your political agenda?

❤ We believe in the separation of love and state.

The state’s role and the sole justification for its existence is the preservation of human rights. Therefore, our romantic relationships are none of its business, as long as they are between consenting adults.

Does polyamory have any related political ideologies?

❤ Some of us are humanists, libertanians and atheists, however we all have the right for the freedom of thought. Some polyamorists think differently than us, and we share only the idea of free love.

Who is your target audience?

❤ A polyamorous relationship is for young people who disregard social pressure and aren’t afraid of going against the flow. It is also for older people who are tired of unsatisfactory monogamous relationships.

Polyamory is not for those who only seek sex with multiple partners.

I want my monogamous partner to become polyamorous. What should I do?

❤ It’s a process. One can’t force polyamory on monogamous-minded individuals who grew up thinking monogamy is the only way to have a relationship. It just won’t work. They will feel jealousy, which will only create a conflict in the relationship.

Polyamory is a way of life, and it may take a long time until the polyamorous way of life will be able to replace old habits and prejudices. Some see it as natural, but for those imprisoned by the monogamous way of life, it may be better to remain so.

Will polyamory solve the issues in my marriage/relationship?

❤ Probably not! If you have serious issues with your partner, sleeping with another partner will most likely only exacerbate these issues, even if your first partner has consented to this.

The answer lies in being honest enough to find the root cause of your relationship woes and fix them together. If the issues lie with you, another partner will only double them.

Would polyamory not hurt my family unit and cause a divorce?

❤ If your current relationship isn’t deep or strong enough, then perhaps a polyamorous system will irreversibly jeopardize your relationship and even cause a divorce. We don’t think that’s bad in itself; it only suggests that you may need something better. On the other hand, you can simply bury your head in the sand and make do with your current, mediocre relationship. It’s up to you.

We believe you, the individual, is at the center. Happiness is your life’s purpose, and if there are better and healthier relationships out there, then step outside your comfort zone and start looking for them. You only live once.

Make a brave decision and change your life.

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