Because we have a time limit!
In your twenties
Even prior to marriage, when you are in a monogamous relationship with your partner, you do not look for other partners. Several years will pass until you discover that your current relationship is not what you hoped it would be. It is possible that you will enter into several other serious relationships with incompatible people, but in the meantime you have wasted a decade of your life.
Polyamorists and monogamists are individuals with the same background and education; they can be brothers, neighbors or work colleagues who grew up and went to school in the same area. Polyamorists are not smarter than monogamists; rather, the fundamental difference is that the former have many more relationships, which enables them to find a more compatible partner. Also, as they continue to search for partners even when they are in a relationship, are exposed to more potential “ones.” They do not waste years on an “inappropriate” person, nor do they stop searching while in a relationship.
Thus the number of serious relationships, lasting one year or more, that monogamists have in their twenties is 2 to 4, while the data suggest that polyamorists have more than 10(!), which means more experience and more exposure to “ones.”
In your thirties
At the end of your twenties you find the person you thought was the one, but unsurprisingly, after seven years of marriage, you realized that it wasn’t it and got divorced. Now you have to start searching all over again, having wasted important years of your life, in which you could have met a more compatible partner and allowed your spouse to find one too. In this respect, polyamory is a philanthropic system which helps people around you, while monogamy is a misanthropic system which oppresses and distances its followers.
In the end, you find yourself in your mid-thirties, divorced with a child, liabilities and a partner you used to share your bed with until several years ago, and now you see each other in court.
Having vast experience in intimate relationships with many people enables us to know ourselves better and know which partners are suitable for us.
A monogamous relationship is all or nothing, black or white,
“I love you” or “I’m sorry I ever met you”
I always wonder how monogamous couples engaged to be married can completely sever the relationship once it becomes clear to them that the other party is not “the one”. Only a short time ago he or she was the person closest to you in your life, and after you realized that it would not lead to marriage, you dumped them and consequently lost the advantages you had together. Isn’t that a pity? You had joint experiences, you loved each other, you had fun, you evolved together, and now you delete your past and remain just with a bad taste in your mouth. Polyamorists could continue their relationship, perhaps not with the same intensity, but they could still get value and enjoyment from it.
The paradox of polyamory is that it enables you to find the one!
There could be a situation in which you marry a highly compatible partner, but as we are dynamic individuals, it’s possible that over the years each partner evolves in a different direction, and the compatibility lessens. This is when people divorce, not because of their incompatibility, but rather because they did not evolve together. This can be seen with successful individuals who flourished during their marriage, while their partners stayed behind, and they simply dumped them and remarried.
Divorce in such a case is positive, but the problem with divorce is the what comes with it: arguments, court proceedings, unhappy children who are forced to see both of their beloved parents wage wars, sometimes at their expense.
If this is the situation and you are looking for “the one“, perhaps it is better that you become polyamorous? ?
* The one – although there are many “ones,” in this article it refers to the person with the highest level of compatibility.